its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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