She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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