I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize