he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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