So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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