There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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