I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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