I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A+ Viking dick
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