My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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