we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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