The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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