Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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