I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize