i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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