I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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