I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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