he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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