There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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