I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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