Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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