So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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