looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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