ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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