i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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