Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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