cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize