I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize