i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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