Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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