Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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