At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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