I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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