i think my mom watched the whole time
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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