So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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