When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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