There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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