party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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