What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i now understand why vodka
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Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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