you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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