When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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