no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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