are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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