I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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