You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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