She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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