she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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