I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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