I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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