yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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