thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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